They say you are too much. You talk, laugh, smile, feel too much. The real problem? They are too little to appreciate that it took an entire galaxy being woven into one soul to make you. – Adapted from Nikita Gill
People come to me with their pain. Old pain, new pain, big and small pain, jagged and soft pain, chronic pain. As you know, I am not a medical doctor. Being a licensed mental health professional means I see, hear, and feel others’ emotional pain. The pain carries a common thread.
Fear says, “I’m not good enough”. Fear says, “You’re missing out”. Fear says, “Maybe my mom is right”. Fear says, “DON’T LET GO”, “Change who you are to make them happy”, “What’s WRONG with you”.
The anxiety of performing and making sure others love us keeps us floundering in the quicksand of inaction. Thinking we must solve the “problem” of anxiety anchors us to the very past we are trying to move forward from.
Have you ever been told you are “too much”? Have you ever intuitively known others were rebuffed by your “muchness” even if they didn’t verbalize it? It sucks. The rejection is palpable. You, my dear, have a soul that irritates other people’s demons.
How did you handle that situation? Did you modify your speech or behavior to make other’s more comfortable? Did it help? Chances are – if I am talking to you – it didn’t. Fear keeps you in that cycle. I can’t tell you how many pep talks I have given myself before I go into networking situations. They go something like this, “Don’t talk to much!”, “Don’t share!”, “Quit raising your hand so much!”, “Let others give input!”. Never once has it worked. I have a hard time containing myself when I can talk about the things that I am passionate about, especially when I am in the company of those I believe share the same passion. Can you relate?
Then the shame washes over and Fear says, “What’s wrong with you”??? And I, we, believe the lie.
Being authentic in a time when highlight reels are the only acceptable form of “socializing” on any platform, and in real life, is hard AF. Being genuine to who you are requires a self-love and acceptance that has no room for Fear.
Their littleness scares them. They see you doing big things, saying big things, BEING big things and they want what you have. They also have limiting beliefs that keep them little. They want you to be little too. My wish for you- don’t buy the Kool-Aid. Don’t accept their perceptions of your reality. Don’t become too little.
What now? Feeling stuck between a rock and a hard spot? The real question is, “What do you want”? What is your vision, your hope, your dream(s)? Get clear on what you want. Then go for it. Stop letting the fear stop you. Silence the naysayers and the lies you tell yourself. Stop being too little for yourself and start with the tiniest action that gets you closer to your vision.
I am currently in the process of testing out a 30-day program designed to take clients from contemplating change to making change. If you are interested in such a curriculum, please let me know so I can contact you directly when the program is LIVE.